Elias’s story is one of perseverance against all odds. In December 2006, I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour (Grade IV medulloblastoma). I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. After undergoing several operations and extensive radiotherapy treatment, I went into remission in April 2007. During treatment, I had lost my pregnancy and felt a deep sense of yearning to be given another chance.  Joyfully, I found out I was pregnant again in February 2008.

I had my first son, Kiran, in a hospital in Germany in 2002. Although a drug-free, vaginal birth, his birth was very far removed from how I had envisioned and hoped that it would be. It was a very stressful and traumatic event for me and I suffered from birth trauma which took years to resolve.

I knew immediately that I wanted to have a home water birth if I had a complication-free pregnancy. I decided to meet with my local NHS midwife for a preliminary chat to find out about her attitudes towards homebirth. When I met Julie at my house for my initial 8 week “booking in” appointment, I immediately knew that I could trust her. Julie and I shared a belief in the inherent knowledge and wisdom in women’s bodies.

I had read all the classics on natural birth: Birth Reborn: What Childbirth Should Be by Michel Odent, Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read, Birth Without Violence by Frederic Leboyer, Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, Conscious Conception and Prenatal Yoga & Natural Birth by Jeannine Parvati Baker, Birthing from Within by Pam England, Stand and Deliver!:  And Other Brilliant Ways to Give Birth by Emma Mahony and Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Shanley. I had all the theoretical knowledge and an intellectual belief in the ability of a woman’s body to give birth naturally, gently and easily. But, with the traumatic events of Kiran’s birth still lingering in every cell in my body, I knew that I’d have to go beyond an intellectual belief and understanding of the birthing process. To this end, I decided to do a hypnobirthing course. I ordered the HypBirth home study course and when I was 18 weeks I started listening to the CDs every day. I also watched the DVDs and was greatly encouraged by the film clips of women in late labour, without any signs of pain or distress, giving birth joyfully. I faithfully did the lessons, listening to the CDs and practising the techniques almost every day for the rest of my pregnancy. When I reached 38 weeks, I started to feel bigger and more uncomfortable. I became restless and impatient. I had never gone into natural labour with Kiran, so at the back of my mind I had some anxiety whether my body would be able to initiate labour on its own. I started trying several natural techniques for proper positioning of the baby and labour induction, such as taking brisk walks, eating spicy foods, bouncing up and down on my birthing ball, and taking Evening Primrose Oil capsules and the homeopathic remedy Caulophyllum 6.  At my 38 week appointment, the baby’s head was 3/5 engaged. The days went by and I felt the baby’s head drop lower into my pelvis but nothing else seemed to be happening. At 39 weeks I started to lose my mucous plug. I started to get excited, thinking I was getting close but, although I kept losing bits of my plug for the rest of the week and felt the odd contraction (tightening sensation in my lower abdomen) nothing else seemed to change. At my 40 week appointment, on my due date 4^th November 2008 (the day Barack Obama was elected as president of the United States!), Julie found the baby 4/5 engaged which meant that only a small part of the head was still palpable above the pubic bone and my belly measured 41 weeks, which on the weight chart (adjusted to my height and weight) translated to 4250g (9lbs 6oz). I was so disappointed to learn that the baby wasn’t even fully engaged yet. I felt huge and uncomfortable and ready to give birth any minute, but it didn’t seem to be happening. The next morning (Wednesday) I woke up to a bloody show, which lasted the whole day and following night. When I went to pick up my son from school that afternoon, one of the other mums commented that I seemed to have “really dropped”. I felt a continuous pressure of my pelvic floor and my pubic bone. That night, I experienced a few sharp contractions that were forceful enough to wake me but they were irregular and I was too tired to pay much attention to them. The next morning, Thursday 6^th November 2008, I had the last bit of my bloody show which had gone on for the past 24 hours. I knew that losing my mucous plug meant that my cervix was opening which gave me hope. With Kiran, my cervix had stayed closed and 0% effaced right up to the induction when he was a week overdue. I was now 2 days “overdue”. I waited all day for the contractions to pick up but there just seemed to be a few niggles, hardly any stronger than Braxton-Hicks contractions and not at all regular. When afternoon came and I was again on my way to school with a big belly I felt immensely frustrated. I knew there would be lots of comments on my “still-pregnant” state and I was getting very tired and weary. As I stood watching my son having his after-school play on the school’s wooden play structure, I felt so ready to give birth, physically and mentally. But as nothing had been happening all day, I let go of the idea that today would be the day. On the way home from school, I felt a rush of determination and had an internal chat with the baby. I said: “Right, baby, this is the last time I’m doing this trip with you on the inside. I’m ready to meet you. The next school run I’m doing with you in my arms, not in my belly.”

Kiran and I arrived home at 4pm. I made him a snack and sat down to do his reading homework with him. I was having irregular contractions but they weren’t painful and I was resigned to the thought that today would just be a replay of yesterday – lots of action, no baby. A small part of me was still holding on to the belief that my body didn’t know how to go into labour on its own. Around 5 pm the contractions seemed to be coming more regularly. I timed them at around 10 minutes apart, and lasting about 20 to 30 second each time. I could still talk through them though and they weren’t painful, I just felt a sense of tightening and pressure in my lower abdomen. I decided to bounce on my birthing ball and do a few yoga poses to help my body along and maybe increase the frequency of the contractions. At around 6.30pm the contractions were coming regularly at 8 minutes apart. I decided to phone Charlie at work. He was just finishing up with his graphic design project for the day and had a drum lesson booked for the next hour. He was about 45 minutes away in Glastonbury, Somerset. When he asked me whether he should cancel the drum lesson and come home straight away, I felt a strong contraction. Still not quite believing that this was the real thing and anticipating a long, all-night labour (as I had experienced with Kiran) I told him to go ahead and do the lesson. I decided to start filling the pool. We had set up a La Bassine birth pool in our kitchen and created a “birthing space” with an essential oil burner, candles and Gemstone Birth Charm Angels in Rose Quartz, Amethyst, Snow Quartz, Pale Green Jade, Labradorite and Violet Fluorite. The temperature had to be between 35-37C for labour and exactly 37C for giving birth. Charlie and I had done a few test runs in the weeks before. It had always been a challenge to fill the pool with enough hot water to ensure a high enough temperature and today was no different. Today of all days our hot water reservoir seemed to be low and the water coming out of the tap was tepid, not boiling hot as it usually is. I called Charlie back and told him about my problems with filling the pool. I suddenly felt very restless and irritable. Charlie must have sensed that something serious was going on because he walked in the door at 7.15 pm, a full hour earlier than I had expected him. He had cut his drum lesson short. I was incredibly relieved to see him and suddenly felt that everything was going to be alright. Charlie could look after the practical aspects of the birth (filling the pool and keeping it topped up with enough hot water, ensuring the room temperature was 25C, preparing the birthing space) and I could focus on my body and its sensations. By now, the contractions were coming regularly at 8 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds each time. Just then, my mum phoned from Germany. We have a chat on the phone every night. She knew that I’d been having contractions since yesterday and was anxious to hear how I was getting on. I told her that the contractions were now coming regularly at 8 minutes apart, but that I still didn’t think that I was really in labour. She insisted that I call my midwife and ask her to come over. I finally gave in and called Julie. I told her that the contractions were regular and 8 minutes apart but that I didn’t think I was really in labour yet. Julie was just having her dinner and asked me if it was okay if she finished it before coming over. I told her: “Of course. You’ll probably just tell me I’m hallucinating anyway and that I’m nowhere near having this baby!” I was convinced that I was maybe 2cm dilated at the most and that I certainly wasn’t going to have the baby any time soon. Julie seemed to think differently however because she finished her dinner in record time and arrived at my house at 7.40pm. By now the contractions were coming every 5 minutes. Charlie was busy filling the pool. He had two water cookers plus four saucepans with boiling water on the go at all times. The pool was big and took a long time to fill but we were slowly getting there. Julie asked me if I wanted an examination. I knew that I shouldn’t really get into the pool until I was 6 or 7 cm dilated in order not to slow down an early labour. The water looked very inviting and I wanted to know how much longer I’d have to wait until I could get in so I asked her to check how far dilated I was. When Julie examined me she gave me a big, encouraging smile and said: “Your cervix is anterior, in a very favourable position. Your 100% effaced and… I’d say about 6-7cm dilated.” I couldn’t quite take it in at first. I’d never even dilated half a centimetre with Kiran. I was exuberant. My body could really do this! I was doing this!

I kept repeating the affirmations from the HypBirth course in my mind: “Your body is made to do this. Just let your body take charge. Go with the flow. Relax. Trust in the body’s inherent wisdom.” Every time a contraction came, I’d gently sway, breathe deeply and let the sensations wash over me without any resistance or fear. Every contraction was bringing me closer to holding my baby. Instead of resisting them, I welcomed each contraction. It was now 8.30, the pool was filled and the contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart. I was still laughing and joking with Julie and Charlie and wasn’t experiencing any pain. I had put Kiran to bed before Julie arrived but he heard us laughing and chatting in the kitchen and came downstairs to see what all the fuss was about. He realized that the baby was on its way and he insisted that he wanted to stay and observe the birth. He had watched many DVDs of home births and water births with me and was incredibly excited. I had resisted going into the pool up to now because I didn’t want to slow down a labour that was progressing so well but at around 8.45pm, with the contractions coming forcefully and frequently, I finally undressed and got into the soothing warm water. At first, I was floating between the contractions, having fun and laughing a lot with the others. It was dark outside, we had lit some candles and the halogen heater was radiating a soft, golden light. There was a lovely, intimate, protective atmosphere in the room. I was floating in the warm water and enjoying myself. Around 9.30, the contractions started to pick up in pace. They seemed to be coming almost without a break. I had a few very strong ones. Every time one came, I flipped over onto my belly, held on to the side of the pool and had a good stretch. This position felt the most comfortable to me. Every time I was floating on my back or sitting, the contractions felt more intense so I soon spent all my time floating on my belly, holding on to the side of the pool for support. At 9.45pm the contractions were coming one on top of the other, and I could hardly catch my breath. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and highly sensitive. I didn’t want to be touched or spoken to. I went completely inside myself, deep down, and was completely focussed on the sensations in my body. I felt a great urge to focus and concentrate. All my mental and physical energy was directed at my womb. When I told Julie that I felt the urge to push, she quickly called the second midwife who was scheduled to help her deliver the baby. After the birth, one midwife is assigned to take care of the mother and the other midwife looks after the baby. I now felt an overwhelming urge to bear down. My body knew exactly what to do. My conscious mind was witnessing events as an external observer. This was a primal, physical process. Any interference, touch, speech, anything that directed energy outside of myself, felt painful and intrusive. My senses were heightened. I was completely focused within, and felt a tremendous surge of power. I was in transition.

I was on my knees, holding on to the wall of the pool for support. In this position, I started to bear down. The urge to push became overwhelming. My breath came in short, quick gasps. Julie kept reminding me to “slow down, push gently”. At this moment, gentle and slow seemed completely impossible. I felt a huge, all-encompassing rush of energy shooting through my body. I bore down again, trying to breathe as slowly as I could. Suddenly, I felt a gush of water shooting from my body at high pressure. My waters had broken. It was a liberating sensation. With the next strong contraction, I again felt a strong urge to bear down and just when contraction began ebbing away, I felt an opening and a stinging sensation, then a release and an absence of pressure. My son’s head had been born. I heard gasps of amazement, surprise and joy. Charlie and Kiran were at the side of the pool facing my back. They had the best view of their son and brother emerging into the world. Julie was by my head, encouraging me and telling me what was going on as I couldn’t see for myself. There seemed to be a long pause, a quiescence of time in which everything was suspended. I waited for another contraction to come and carry my son’s body out into the warm water and into this world. After about 30 seconds of complete stillness, I felt another rush of energy and a forceful ripple went through my body. The contraction built up slowly and I witnessed it building up and finally rushing over me, expelling my son’s body. 9.50pm. Elias has entered the world.

We decided to name him Elias Constantin Raphael. His middle names reflect the attributes and the journey we had been on in order to welcome Elias into our family. Constantin refers to constancy, a virtue that has been very important in my life: never give up, keep going, if you stumble get back up and try again. Raphael means “God has healed” and Raphael is the Archangel of Healing. Elias, and the journey to get him here, has manifested healing in our lives.

Kiran later told me that he came out with a peaceful expression on his face, eyes closed, just floating in the warm water, suspended in time. Then he flipped a somersault under water and was picked up by his father. Stunned, I slowly began to realize what had just happened. My baby was here. I could finally hold him, see him, smell him, touch him. He was placed on my chest, umbilical cord still attached and I just gazed at him in wonderment. I couldn’t believe he was here. Everything had happened so quickly. I felt peaceful, joyful, serene and deeply grateful. Ten minutes after the birth, I felt another contraction and birthed the placenta. I was still sitting in the pool with Elias snuggled against my chest. I had birthed the baby, Charlie had caught the baby and I felt that Julie should now cut the cord. That way, a circle was created that included all three of us in the birthing process. I felt that Julie’s help, encouragement and belief in me had been an essential element in this blissful birth. After the placenta was born and the cord was cut, I decided to get out of the pool. When I got out, there was a large gush of blood. Julie decided to give me syntometrine to stop the excessive bleeding. I was fine with that and soon after she gave me the shot the bleeding calmed down. Julie then checked me for tears. I had a second-degree tear which we decided to let heal naturally as it was straight and tidy. Today, just 12 days later, it has completely healed without any pain. Just when Julie was examining me in the hallway, the second midwife arrived at the door, twenty minutes after Elias’s arrival. She went into the sitting room together with Charlie, where they weighed and dressed Elias. He weighed in at 4460g (9lbs 13oz), measured 56cm (22 inches) and had a 37.5cm head. I went up to the bedroom, had a quick shower and lay down in my own bed. Elias was brought to me and we cuddled and he had his first feed. He knew what to do straight away. It was bliss to be in my own home, in my own bed, cuddling my beautiful newborn boy. Kiran came in and joined us for a cuddle. When I asked him what he thought of the birth, he said: “Mama, that was so cool.” He was a bit worried by my bleeding initially but when he saw me completely at ease with it, he had a quick think and then said: “Blood is life. It’s fine.” The midwives left at 11.30pm and all four of us had a cuddle and then went to sleep in our king-sized bed. It was pure bliss and I was so grateful.

I credit the HypnoBirth course, together with the at-home setting, the relaxing warm water and the feeling of empowerment and control I had with creating the fantastic, almost pain-free birth experience I had. It all felt completely natural and organic and my body knew what to do. Elias’s birth was an amazing, empowering and inspiring experience which fills me with the greatest joy and the deepest gratitude.